Neurodevelopmental Disorders: How to Support Siblings
- Monarch
- Mar 24
- 4 min read
Raising a child with a developmental disability, like ADHD, ASD, or a learning disability, brings a unique set of challenges, not just for the parents, but for the entire family. One often overlooked group is the siblings. While they are learning and growing alongside their brother or sister, they may face their own emotional and social challenges, as well as frustrations. As a parent, it’s important to help siblings understand, adapt to, and thrive in their role within the family. Here's how you can support your other children and try to ensure that everyone feels valued and heard.
1. Normalize Their Feelings
Siblings of children with developmental disabilities may have a range of emotions—confusion, frustration, jealousy, guilt, or even embarrassment. These feelings are natural, and it’s important to acknowledge and validate them. Let your child know that it’s okay to feel upset or confused sometimes and that their emotions matter just as much as anyone else’s.
Easy Tip: Create a “Feelings Journal” where each child can write or draw about their day. This gives siblings an outlet to express what’s on their minds without fear of judgment.
2. Promote Open Communication
Encourage open and honest conversations about the differences their sibling may have. You don’t need to share everything, but it’s helpful for siblings to understand the condition and what it means for their family life. Tailor the information to their age, and remember that regular conversations will help reduce confusion and fears.
Easy Tip: Use simple books and resources that explain developmental disabilities in a child-friendly way. Let them ask questions and express their thoughts. Make it clear that no question is too silly or off-limits.
3. Create Special One-on-One Time
It’s easy for siblings to feel neglected when a child with a developmental disability requires so much time and attention. Ensure each child gets some one-on-one time with you. Whether it’s a special outing, a fun activity at home, or even a quiet evening watching a favorite movie, this dedicated time reinforces the idea that each child is important.
Easy Tip: Schedule a regular "date night" with each sibling, where they choose the activity. This builds a strong bond and lets them know that they are seen as individuals.
4. Foster Empathy and Patience
Teaching siblings about empathy can help them navigate their relationship with their brother or sister with special needs. Encourage them to celebrate their sibling’s unique qualities, while also understanding that their sibling may face challenges they do not. Remind them that patience is essential, and that all children have different strengths and areas for growth.
Easy Tip: Praise your child when you see them showing empathy toward their sibling. For example, if they share a toy or help their sibling with a task, acknowledge their positive behavior with words like, “That was so kind of you!”
5. Involve Siblings in the Care Process
Including siblings in caregiving or therapy routines (if appropriate) can help them feel like they are part of the team. Whether it’s helping with feeding, choosing therapy activities, or simply sitting with their sibling during a session, participation can empower them and reduce feelings of helplessness.
Easy Tip: Give siblings small responsibilities, like picking out clothes for their sibling or helping them with an easy task. Encourage them to be involved but always ask if they’re comfortable doing so.
6. Ensure Siblings Have Their Own Support
Just as your child with a developmental disability may benefit from therapy or specialized care, so too can siblings. There are support groups, both online and in-person, that can give siblings a safe space to talk and connect with others in similar situations. In addition, meeting with an individual therapist can be a helpful place to process feelings and reactions. Sometimes, just knowing they aren’t alone can make a huge difference.
Easy Tip: Look for local or online sibling support groups. Some communities offer sibling workshops or programs where children can learn about disabilities in a fun and supportive way.
7. Celebrate Their Achievements
It’s important to celebrate the accomplishments of all children within a family, not just someone with a developmental disability. Ensure that all children's achievements, whether academic, athletic, or personal, are acknowledged and celebrated.
Easy Tip: Create a “Celebration Wall” where you can post pictures, artwork, and accomplishments of each child. Make sure everyone’s successes are noticed and appreciated.
Book Resources for Siblings
Here are some books that can help siblings understand and cope with having a brother or sister with a developmental disability:
“The Sibling Survival Guide: Indispensable Information for Brothers and Sisters of Adults with Disabilities” by Don Meyer
A great resource for older siblings to help them understand and navigate their unique relationship with a sibling with a disability.
“I Have a Brother or Sister with Autism” by Jennifer Moore-Mallinos
A beautifully illustrated book that helps children understand autism in a gentle, age-appropriate way.
“We’ll Paint the Octopus Red” by Stephanie Stuve-Bodeen
This book helps children understand the unique challenges that their sibling with a disability might face, with a focus on love and understanding.
“The Invisible String” by Patrice Karst
While not specifically about developmental disabilities, this book teaches children that they are always connected to the people they love, no matter the distance or challenges.
“My Brother Charlie” by Holly Robinson Peete and Ryan Elizabeth Peete
This book offers an insightful look at the relationship between siblings when one has autism. It’s written from a sibling’s perspective and can help children process their own feelings.
"My Brother's a World Class Pain" by Michael Gordon, PhD.
This book is about an older sister's efforts related to her active and impulsive brother. It provides an opportunity for siblings to understand the nature of their relationship with their sibling who has ADHD.
Supporting siblings of children with developmental disabilities is essential for fostering a balanced, loving family dynamic. With understanding, patience, and the right tools, siblings can develop strong, supportive relationships that last a lifetime. By ensuring they have the resources, empathy, and space to grow, you're helping every child in the family thrive.
ADHD - Autism - Executive Functioning - Learning Disorders
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